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Dudley Frank:"The human body wasn't made to straddle something that big for that long."
Woody Stevens:"Well you know, it's going to hurt a little bit, but thats all part of the experience. It's why we didn't bring our wives."

Bobby Davis:"You call the Firm?"
Clerk:"Yeah, men's room. Some truck driver must of crapped an entire cow in there man. Good luck."

Doctor:"Well Mr Madsen."
Doug Madsen:"Doctor Madsen."
Doctor:"Oh really? Great. Well then I can put this more simply. Looks like you had a catecholamine-induced, super-ventricular tachyarrhythmia."
Doug Madsen:"I'm actually a dentist, so I have no idea what you just said."

Highway Patrolman:"Please, for the love of god, finish your sentence."

Doug Madsen:"I miss butter. You know why I miss butter? The French think butter is just like cheese. They eat it just like this, right off the stick! And the French, who have never won a major battle, they know how to eat!"

Dudley Frank:"You guys aren't going to wear helmets?"
Woody Stevens:"Maybe I don't want to wear a helmet. Maybe I don't want anything between me and the road."
Bobby Davis:"You will if your head falls on it."<

Bobby Davis:"Whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing trying to leave the house wearing that? You look like an Eskimo hooker."
Daughter:"Dad, that's the point!"
Bobby Davis:"You want to look like a hooker?!"

Highway Patrolman:"What exactly do we have here? We got 1, 2, 3 men, in a bed, spooning?"
Doug Madsen:"This is not what it looks like! This is uh, uh, what is it Woody?"
Woody Stevens:"Camping!"
Highway Patrolman:"I'll tell you just exactly what it is there Poindexter. It is 4 counts of indecent exposure, 2 counts of lewd, lascivious behavior, and one count of pure jealousy."

Mother-in-Law:"It's hard for kids to respect the man who don't do none of the providing. In my day, the lady stayed home, not the lazy man."
Bobby Davis:"In your day, the men had pyramids to build."

Doug Madsen:"I'm not lame! I'm wild and free! Wild and free and a man! A man who likes to eat meat, and I'm tired of not eating meat! Meat's good! Good for men! And potatoes! I like potatoes and I like gravy on my potatoes! Yum! Yum!"

Dudley Frank:"I'm ok! I hit my butt!"

Woody Stevens:"What are we doing here?"
Bobby Davis:"Having beers like we do every week."
Woody Stevens:"No no no, bigger picture. Life man! What do we have to look forward to? What? Riding in formation at the Labor Day parade? Is that it?!"
Dudley Frank:"I'm really looking forward to the parade. I got tootsie rolls I can throw to the kids."
Bobby Davis:"Tootsie rolls that he can throw to the kids? Man you can't even put on your turn signal without busting your ass!"

Doug Madsen:"I'm in a hospital. It's a lot easier for me right now to blame other people for my problems."

Bobby Davis:"Did you smell that man's neck?"
Dudley Frank:"His cologne is fantastic! It's musky with a oakey finish. Like a lawyer cowboy."

Doug Madsen:"You know what they call this thing? 'One Powerful Little Sucker'. That's the brand name. It's unbelievable."

Dudley Frank:"Thanks Woody! I feel really safe with you."
Woody Stevens:"I noticed that. And if you ever lay your head on my back again when your riding *****, I'll throw you into traffic!"