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Kevin Sandusky:"We do it just like in the book. Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive."
Kirk Lazarus:"The book of Tropic Thunder?"
Kevin Sandusky:"Yeah, you guys read the book?"
Jeff Portnoy:"Uh, the flap. I read the back flap, saw the pictures."
Kevin Sandusky:"Well, it's ok. It's exactly the same as in the script."
Kirk Lazarus:"Cool."
Kevin Sandusky:"You guys all read the script, right?"
Kirk Lazarus:"I don't read the script. The script reads me."

Jeff Portnoy:"You call in that Snake 'n Nape, and get us some boom boom now!"

Tugg Speedman:"Hey, you want to get on the train here, or do you want to ruin another take?! Huh?"
Kirk Lazarus:"Ain't no god damn takes! Ain't no god damn motion picture!"
Tugg Speedman:"You sure?"
Kirk Lazarus:"Oh yeah."
Tugg Speedman:"Yeah?"
Kirk Lazarus:"For certain man."
Tugg Speedman:"Then why are you still in character?"
Kirk Lazarus:"I know, but I don't have to tell you."
Tugg Speedman:"You don't know."
Kirk Lazarus:"Man, I don't drop character until I done the DVD commentary."

Reporter:"Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra."
Tyra Banks:"You have no real family, you're on the wrong side of 40, you're childless and alone. Somebody close to you said, 'One more flop, and it's over.'"
Tugg Speedman:"Somebody said they were close to me?"

Kirk Lazarus:"I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!"

Tugg Speedman:"Smoke and mirrors guys. Welcome to the movie factory!"

Tugg Speedman:"Who left the fridge open!"

Jeff Portnoy:"I'm going to bite its hide. I need to wear its stomach skin like a unitard."

Tugg Speedman:"Everybody's obviously a little bushed from all this humping."

Cody:"That's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. What is it?"
Four Leaf Tayback:"I don't know what it's called. I just know the sound it makes, when it takes a man's life."

Kevin Sandusky:"Uh, this feels pretty real!"
Tugg Speedman:"Exactly! Let's use it!"

Kirk Lazarus:"Everybody knows you never go full retard."
Tugg Speedman:"What do you mean?"
Kirk Lazarus:"Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man', look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump'. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. And he was a god damn war hero! You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, 'I Am Sam' Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed."

Kirk Lazarus:"Took a whole lot a trying just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the big leagues, getting our turn at bat. As long as we live, it's you and me baby."
Alpa Chino:"That's the theme song for The Jeffersons! You really need help!"
Kirk Lazarus:"Hey, just because it's a theme song don't make it not true. "

Tugg Speedman:"When we put aside our differences, we see we're kind of the same. When we put aside our differences, we see we're kind of the same. Let's be friends. I know we can do great things, together."

Tugg Speedman:"That's a trailer right there!"

Kirk Lazarus:"Man, whatcha coming out in movies for anyway? Did you need another revenue stream?"
Alpa Chino:"For your information, my 'revenue stream' currently generates 2 million dollars a year in charitable contributions for my community."
Kirk Lazarus:"Hot damn!"
Alpa Chino:"And why am I in this movie? Maybe I just knew I had to represent. Cause they had one good part here for a black man, and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee!"
Kirk Lazarus:"Pump your brakes kid, that man is a national treasure."