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Standing Room Only:"He's got another bug up his nose."
Dudley:"No... he's telling me he wants me to attack the tanks."
Chief:"Is it good taking advice from a horse?"
Dudley:"Yes it is..."
Chief:"You know they got a brain about the size of a pea."
Standing Room Only:"That's nuts..."
Chief:"Not to mention stupid..."
Nell:"I think it's wonderful!"

Snidely Whiplash:"California... Georgia... Puerto Rico... But where are the Canadians?"
Henchman:"Canadians like to think things over before they do something. Americans just jump..."
Snidely Whiplash:"Well thank goodness they do."

Dudley:"I say we go down there and arrest them all!"
Darling:"Oh I don't think so... I'll give you three good reasons. I'd like to start with the second one first if that's ok with you. Two, we go down there, they'll kill us, one, your not a Mountie anymore, and three, they aren't doing anything illegal."
Dudley:"But we gotta do something!"
Darling:"No!"

Whiplash:"You know Homer... this is the part of the job I hate the most, the ending. Up until then, being the bad guy is the best job in the world."

Whiplash:"Wait a minute! Your wearing black! That's my color! I'm the bad guy!"
Dudley:"But your not wearing black Snidley, thats dark blue."
Whiplash:"It is not!"
Dudley:"It is so! It's navy... see for your self."

Nell:"Now I've come home... to get the one thing a good education can't buy."
Dudley:"Oh I got ya... you want one of those fuzzy blankets that they sell down at the mountie store?"

Nell:"Dudley! This is totally authentic!"
Dudley:"This is Canada Nell... things are real up here."

Prospector:"My son, the hero defeats danger because he is dangerous himself. You are dangerous. Know it. Say it."
Dudley Do-Right:"You are dangerous."
Prospector:"No, say 'I am dangerous'."
Dudley Do-Right:"I did."
Prospector:"No, say 'I am dangerous'."
Dudley Do-Right:"You are dangerous."
Prospector:"No, no, no. You say 'I am dangerous'."
Dudley Do-Right:"But you said..."
Prospector:"Oh never mind!"

Henchman:"What kind of man are you anyway Do-right?!"
Dudley:"A dangerous one!"

News Anchor:"This just in, scientists discover that Canadian bacon is actually ordinary ham!"

Narrator:"Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not so secret hideout."

Whiplash:"Learn from history or repeat it."

Dudley:"I hope it's not hunting season!"

Whiplash:"What do you want totem breath?!"
Dudley:"Totem breath?"
Whiplash:"Well, it's the best I could come up with. It's hard to kiss and think at the same time. Neither of which activity you've had much experience with."

Whiplash:"That's not fair! They've got rocks! All we got are these machine guns!"

Snidely Whiplash:"Shane!"
Shane:"Yes Mister Whiplash!"
Snidely Whiplash:"Drinks on the house."
Shane:"Yes sir!"
Snidely Whiplash:"No, wait a second. Drinks are fifty percent off."
Shane:"Right!"
Snidely Whiplash:"No, wait a second! Double the price of everything."
Shane:"Yes sir!"

Narrator:"Snidely was smart enough to keep the gold coming in, so the profits would keep coming in. Smart enough to own his own helicopter. Smart enough to have won over every government authority within 2,000 miles. But was he smart enough to outwit a pathetic bum and the only man to be thrown out of the Mounties in 100 years? We'll have to see about that."

Narrator:"In the daylight hours, Snidely was hard at work arranging a meeting between a really big train and the local bank president."