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Fairy Godmother:"I do believe we can make this work to our advantage."

Shrek:"Are you up for a little quest donkey?"
Donkey:"Alright! Thats more like it! Shrek and Donkey on another whirlwind adventure! Ain't no stopping us now!"

Fiona:"Shouldn't you be getting home to dragon?"
Donkey:"Oh... yeah that. I don't know... she's been all moody and stuff lately... so I thought I'd move back in with you guys!"
Fiona:"Well you know we're always happy to see you Donkey."
Shrek:"But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time... you know... to be together.... just with each other.... alone."
Donkey:"Say no more! Say no more! You don't have to worry about a thing! I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you!"
Shrek:"Donkey!"
Donkey:"Yes roommie?"
Shrek:"Your bothering me!"

Puss in Boots:"On my honor! I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you spared me mine."
Donkey:"I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken! Let's go Shrek!"

King:"Charming??"
Prince Charming:"Do you think so..... dad... I was so hoping you'd approve."

Donkey:"Look at our little mutant babies!"

Shrek:"It says beauty divine. How bad can it be?"

Donkey:"I can't believe your just gonna walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you."
Shrek:"What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy Prince Charming."
Donkey:"Aw come on now... is he really that good looking?"
Ugly Stepsister:"Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels."
Puss in Boots:"Aww he sounds dreamy."
Shrek:"You know... shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better."

Donkey:"What do you see?"
Puss in Boots:"Toadstool softner?"
Donkey:"Oh yeah right! I'm sure a nice BM is a perfect solution for marital problems!"

Shrek:"What do you reckon we should do with him?"
Donkey:"I say we take the sword and neuter him right here! Give him the Bob Barker treatment!"

Shrek:"Great! My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you!"
Donkey:"Alright you don't have to get all huffy with me, I'm only trying to help."
Shrek:"I know! I know!.... I'm sorry alright."
Donkey:"Hey don't worry about it."
Shrek:"I just really need to make things work with this guy."
Donkey:"Yeah sure... now lets go bond with daddy!"

Donkey:"Shrek!"
Shrek:"Aww come on Donkey look at him.... in his wee little boots. How many cats can wear boots? Honestly?"

Puss in Boots:"We are off to the Kit Kat club... come on, join us."
Donkey:"Thanks... I'm just not in the mood."
Puss in Boots:"It will cheer you up! We'll find you a nice burro."

Fairy Godmother:"You remember my son... Prince Charming."
King:"Charming! Is that you! My gosh its been years! When did you get back?"
Charming:"Oh about 5 minutes ago actually... After I endured blistering winds, scorching deserts! I climbed to the highest peak in the tallest tower!!..."
Fairy Godmother:"Mummy can handle this.... He endures blistering winds and scorching deserts! He climbs to the highest bloody room at the tallest bloody tower! And what does he find? Some gender confused wolf telling him that his princess is already married!"

Puss in Boots:"I have misjudged you..."
Shrek:"Join the club... we've got jackets."

Pinocchio:"Is he?"
Gingy:"He croaked!"

Puss in Boots:"Whatever happens... I must not cry. You cannot make me cry!"

Shrek:"A cute button nose? Thick wavy locks? Taut round buttocks??!! I'm... I'm..."
Jill:"Gorgeous!"
Girl:"I'll say."
Jill:"I'm Jill, whats your name?"
Shrek:"I'm Shrek."
Jill:"Shrek? Wow... are you from Europe?"
Girl:"Your so tense.... I want to rub his shoulders."
Girl:"I got it covered thanks."
Girl:"I don't have anything to rub."
Girl:"Well get in line."

Fairy Godmother:"You see we made a deal Harold. And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part."
King:"Indeed not..."

Fairy Godmother:"My diet is ruined! I hope your happy!"

Shrek:"Have you ladies seen my donkey?"
Donkey:"Who are you calling donkey?!"
Shrek:"Donkey? Your a..."
Donkey:"A stallion baby!"

Puss in Boots:"Who dares enter my room?!"
King:"Sorry I hope I'm not interrupting but I'm told your the one to talk to about an... ogre problem?"
Puss in Boots:"You are told correct... but for this I charge a great deal of money."
King:"Would this?..."
Puss in Boots:"You have engaged my valuable services your majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre."

Donkey:"Shrek I think you grabbed the farty ever after potion!"

Puss in Boots:"Ah HA! Fear me! If you dare!"

Shrek:"How do you feel?"
Donkey:"I don't feel any different... do I look any different?"
Puss in Boots:"You still look like an ass to me."

Donkey:"Hey man this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over, so why don't you just drop that jug of voodoo and lets get outta here!"

Puss in Boots:"Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta!!"

Fiona:"They just want to give you their blessing."
Shrek:"Oh great! Now I need their blessing?!"
Fiona:"Well if you want to be part of this family yes!"
Shrek:"And who says I want to be part of this family?!"
Fiona:"You did! When you married me!"
Shrek:"Well there's some find print for you!"

Shrek:"Donkey?! What are you doing here?"
Donkey:"I was just taking care of your love nest for you."
Shrek:"Oh you mean like sorting the mail... and watering the plants."
Donkey:"And feeding the fish!"
Shrek:"I don't have any fish!"
Donkey:"You do now! I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil!"
Shrek:"Oh will you look at the time... well I guess you better be going."
Donkey:"Hey wait a minute, don't you want to tell me all about your trip? Or how about a game of parcheesi?"

Fiona:"Is that glitter on your lips?"
Charming:"Hmm... cherry flavored. Want a taste?"

King:"So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be..."
Shrek:"Ogres! Yes!"
Queen:"Not that there's anything wrong with that.... right harold?!"
King:"Oh no no of course not. That is assuming that you don't eat your own young!"
Fiona:"Dad?!"
Shrek:"Oh no! We usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower!"
Fiona:"Shrek please!"
King:"I only did that because I love her!"
Shrek:"Oh aye! Daycare? Or dragon guarded castle!"
King:"You wouldn't understand! Your not her father!"

Puss in Boots:"Heh heh... hairball."
Donkey:"Oh that is nasty!"

Fairy Godmother:"I told you Ogres don't live happily ever after!"

Donkey:"Shrek don't worry, things just seem bad because its dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you."

Shrek:"It's so good to be home..."

Fiona:"Mom... Dad... I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek."

Donkey:"I got to get a job."

Shrek:"I'll kill that cat!!"

Shrek:"So much for dad's royal blessing."
Donkey:"Oh come on Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you."
Shrek:"Gee thanks..."

Shrek:"Look a little cat."
Donkey:"Look out Shrek! He has a peice!"
Shrek:"It's a cat Donkey... come here kitty kitty kitty... AGH!!! Ahhhh! Get him off!!!"
Kitty attacks
Donkey:"Shrek hold still! Did I miss?"
Shrek:"No.... you got them."

Next time on Knights!

Fairy Godmother:"Ogre's don't live happily ever after."

Fiona:"He's completely lost his mind!"

Shrek:"Here's to us Fiona."
Donkey:"Shrek... you drink that, there's no going back."
Shrek:"I know."
Donkey:"No more wallowing in the mud?"
Shrek:"I know."
Donkey:"And no more itchy butt crack?!"
Shrek:"I know!"
Donkey:"But you love being an ogre!"
Shrek:"I know!.... but I love Fiona more."

Donkey:"Give us a hug Shrek! You old love machine! And look at you Mrs. Shrek! How about a side of sugar for the steed!"

Queen:"Harold?"
King:"I'm sorry Lillian... I just wish I could be the man you deserve."
Queen:"Your more that man today than you ever were... warts and all."

Fiona:"I want what every princess wants... to live happily ever after.... with the ogre I married."

Donkey:"Oh oh! What did I tell you! I think I feel something coming on! I don't want to die... I don't want to die! I don't want to die!!! Oh please sister mother of mercy! I'm melting!! I'm melting!!"
Shrek:"It's just the rain Donkey."

Shrek and Fiona's meeting with Fiona's Parents

Puss in Boots:"I hate mondays."

Shrek:"Well... look out princess. Here comes the new me!"

Fairy Godmother:"Uh ok, two renaissance rats, no mayo, chili rings..."
Charming:"I'll have the medieval meal."
Fairy Godmother:"Yeah one medieval meal... and Harold? Curly fries?"
King:"No no thank you."
Fairy Godmother:"Sourdough? Soft taco?"
King:"No really I'm fine."
Girl:"Your order fairy godmother."

Donkey:"Why don't you guys go ahead, I'll park the car."

Shrek:"Hold the phone!"

Donkey:"Oh no thats the old Keeblers place! Let's just back away slowly!"

Shrek:"Happily ever after potion... maximum strength. For you and your trule love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine, happiness, comfort and beauty divine."
Donkey:"You both will be fine?"
Shrek:"I guess it means it will affect Fiona too."

Shrek:"Well well well Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring?"
Donkey:"What are you talking about? I ain't purring."
Shrek:"Oh sure... whats next? A hug?"
Donkey:"Hey Shrek! Donkey's don't purr!"

Puss in Boots:"Now ye Ogre! Pray for mercy from Puss in boots!"

Puss in Boots:"Oh sorry... I thought that question was directed at me."

Donkey singing rawhide

Shrek:"Thank you gentlemen! Someday I will repay you... Unless of course I can't find you or if I forget."

Shrek:"Alright look lady!"
Fairy Godmother:"Don't you point those dirty green sausages at me!"

Puss in Boots:"Hey boss... let's shave him."

Puss in Boots: "That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom."
Shrek: "Then why don't we pop in there for a spell."

Shrek: "Hey, you still look like a noble steed to me."

Puss in Boots: "Boss just in case there is something wrong with the potion. Allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you."
Donkey: "Oh no no no I don't think so. If there's gonna be any animal testing, I'm gonna do it! That's the best friends job! Now give me that bottle!"

Shrek: "Quick tell a lie!"
Pinocchio: "What should I say?"
Gingy: "Anything, but quick!"
Donkey: "Say something crazy, like 'I'm wearing ladies underwear'."
Pinocchio: "I'm uh, I'm wearing ladies underwear."
Shrek: "Are you?"
Pinocchio: "I most certainly am not."
Donkey: "It looks like you most certainly am are."
Pinocchio: "I am not."
Puss in Boots: "What Kind?"
Gingy: "It's a thong!"
Pinocchio: "Ow! They're briefs!"
Gingy: "Are not!"
Pinocchio: "Are too!"
Gingy: "Are not!"
Pinocchio: "Are too!"

Donkey: "Hey come on Shrek, we don't want to hit traffic!"

King:"Excuse me... I'm looking for the ugly stepsister? Ahh... there you are."

Donkey: "See! You're allergic to that stuff. You're gonna have a reaction! And if you think I'm gonna be smearing vapor rub all over your chest, think again!"

Puss in Boots: "Warning. Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with nervous disorders."
Donkey: "Trotting trotting trotting in place! Yeah!.... what?"

Shrek: "Donkey, keep watch."
Donkey: "Keep watch?! Yeah I'll keep watch! I'll watch that wicked witch come down here and whammy a world a hurt all up your backside. I'm gonna laugh too, I'm gonna be giggling to myself."

Donkey: "Are we there yet?"
Shrek: "No."

Donkey's "are we there yet?" (Long Version)

Gingy: "I hate these ball shows! They bore me to tears! Flip over to Wheel of Torture!"
Pinocchio: "I'm not flipping anywhere sir till I see Shrek and Fiona!"

Gingy: "Bah whizzes on you guys!"

Shrek: "Back away from my wife!"

Donkey: "You know, in some cultures donkeys are revered as the wisest of all creatures. Especially us talking ones!"

Shrek: "We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?"
Worker: "Uhh a little. We don't even have dental."

Shrek: "Working hard or hardly working, eh mack?"